All we know
All we know
That ‘s just a little verse I wrote. There was no reason to write it. It was just in my head so I wrote it down. I like the feel of it. Because I think that everyone from their very first time of being aware that they were thinking knew that they had worth as a person.
And it was likely this sense of worth as a human being that led to our first ‘no’s’ to parents and siblings though we wouldn’t have been doing enough conscious thinking to think about it in that way at that time.
And that feeling of worth is the love I’m talking about in the poem – that we are born in love and loving ourselves. And it appears to me that it kind of gets knocked out of us and we have to strive to get it back. Gets knocked out of us first by our parents – though I don’t think most parents mean to do this but they had it knocked out of them too- knocked out because our parents can’t possibly meet our every need. (But thankfully parents can reassert it in our lives through persevering, long term unconditional love – and after a lot of growing on our own most of us realize it).
Knocked out of us by our brothers and sisters because for no reason at all usually we thought we had to compete for our parent’s attention. And finally knocked out of us by our education system because this world is full of ideas and people who are all, all smarter than us. And most teachers seem more interested in those smart ideas more than they do in us. Consequently, we hang on for dear life to those teachers who seem to care about us more than their subject as if both they and us were survivors of a shipwreck.
But I’m happy that I can recall that small feeling so long ago when I realized I was me and that I had worth. And that I can experience it from time to time like when I feel particularly loved, or do something well and please another, or see something that I suddenly realize is very, very beautiful.
And because of that I’m really happy to be here. Though I’m not always happy to be in my particular circumstances. So it appears to me, when I pay attention, that on the one hand there’s my life as I experience it first hand, and then there’s the situations of my life which I experience sort of first hand because they’re cluttered up with feelings and lots of thoughts. And they claim a lot of my attention and take up a lot of my waking hours until I get a chance to sit still and pay attention to both my life and my life’s situations.
I’m thinking it would probably be wise to try to think and feel out the difference between the two.